Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
