This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
