She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
