so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
