I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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