we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My bed smells like the plague
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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