I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
