I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
