Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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