Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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