i think my tv is drunk
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
