I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
