hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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