The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
