The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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