# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize