i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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