High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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