Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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