The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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