He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
