my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
