Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
