not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
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Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
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Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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