If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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