just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
