Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
