he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
