So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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