P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
