Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize