all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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