i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
