think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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