i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
