Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
its liver damage thursday
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
