Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
