I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
