Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
