This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
