i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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