OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Randomize
