The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
