i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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