and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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