Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
