did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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