He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
