He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
