i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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