His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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