Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
