You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
