If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
