My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
