i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
