On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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