i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
