I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
