good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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